Meaning of Words that We Use

Cigarette:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
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Love affairs:
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
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Marriage:
It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
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Divorce:
Future tense of marriage
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Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
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Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
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Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
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Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.. .
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Dictionary:
A place where divorce comes before marriage.
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Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
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Ecstasy:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
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Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.
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Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
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Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
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Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
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Etc:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
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Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
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Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.
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Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
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Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
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Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
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Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
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Optimist:
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.
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Pessimist:
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
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Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
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Father:
A banker provided by nature.
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Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest… Except that he got caught.
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Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
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Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
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Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

Time to reassess your relationship with computer when….

1. You wake up at 4 O’clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.

2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.

4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.

5. You start using smileys in your snail mail.

6. You find yourself typing “com” after every period when using a word processor.

7. You can’t correspond with your mother because she doesn’t have a computer.

8. When your email box shows “no new messages” and you feel really depressed.

9. You don’t know the gender of your three closest friends because they have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.

10. You move into a new house and you decide to “Netscape” before you landscape.

11. Your family always knows where you are.

12. In real life conversations, you don’t laugh, you just say “LOL, LOL”.

13. After reading this list, you forward it to a friend!

Gender of Computer - A Nice Humorous Fact!

A French teacher was explaining to her college class that in French, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. House is feminine “la maison.” Pencil is masculine “le crayon.”
A student asked, “What gender is computer ?”
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups male and female - and asked them to decide for themselves whether “computer” should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men’s group decided that “computer” should definitely be of the feminine gender (la computer) because:
1.. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2.. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3.. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review; and
4.. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay cheque on accessories for it.

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine le computer) because:
1.. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2.. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;
3.. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4.. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

Mischievous Brothers

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are
always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any
mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.  The
boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in
disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The
preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older
boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.  The preacher, a huge man with a
booming voice, sat the younger boy  down and asked him sternly,

“Do you know where God is, son?” The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made
no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is
God?!”

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice
even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed,

“Where is God?!”

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into
his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,  “what
happened?” The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, “We are in
BIG trouble this time.

GOD is missing, and they think we did it!