How to repair a damaged friendship

Friendship woes don’t end in junior high. We all mess up sometimes and end up hurting a friend’s feelings. But now that we’re adults, we can forgive each other as long as we know the mess-up wasn’t intentional. If you’ve ever forgotten your pal’s birthday, or had an eye on her ex, here’s how to make things right and move on.

Faux Pas #1: You Forgot Her Birthday
The moment you realize the date got away from you, “offer an apology, but not an excuse,” says Irene Levine, PhD, professor of psychiatry at New York University School of Medicine, and author of Best Friends Forever. An “oops” birthday card or gift and an offer to buy her a drink or lunch are good moves. Remember, too, that how much your friend is hurt by your forgetfulness depends on her birthday-importance meter. If she’s super-sensitive (what Dr. Levine calls a “birthday princess”), you may have to work harder to get back in her good graces.

Faux Pas #2: You Don’t Like Her Husband
Leave her hubby out of the friendship as much as you can; it’s not fair to force her to divide her loyalties, especially if she knows he’s not your favorite person. “Remind her how important her friendship is to you, and restrict your time together to girls only,” says Dr. Levine. Employ a little diplomacy (or a harmless white lie): no reason you have to detail to her what you don’t like about her man.

Faux Pas #3: You Are (or Want to Be) Dating Her Ex
“I’m sure there are friends who have navigated this successfully without causing hurt feelings, but my general advice would be, if you want to keep the friend, avoid the ex,” says Elaine Zelley, PhD, associate communications professor at LaSalle University in Philadelphia, who has studied female friendships. This is particularly true if it’s a recent breakup, but even long-ago exes can stir up a world of emotion. If you’re already involved, be prepared for a painful adjustment period—or even the long-term loss of your friend. But if you’re only in the contemplation stage, “talk to her about it, honestly,” says Dr. Zelley, which is the only way you can hope to emerge with your friendship intact.

Faux Pas #4: You Weren’t There for Her at a Crucial Time
Don’t make excuses or offer justifications (“I was just so busy that month!”). “That only trivializes her experience and makes it seem that your life is more important than hers,” says Dr. Zelley. Instead, admit that you let her down, and that you realize how bad your absence made her feel. Ask, humbly and sincerely, if there’s anything you can do to make it up to her. Then let it go; depending on how hurt she is (and how much other support she had at the time), it may take time for the friendship to fully heal.

Faux Pas #5: You Were Late to Meet Her
You have to apologize, of course, and offer something to assuage her annoyance, such as picking up the lunch tab. If it’s a recurring problem, “you’re giving her the message that your time is more valuable than hers,” says Dr. Levine. Chronic lateness can seriously damage a friendship. Acknowledge that it’s you who has a punctuality problem; it’s nothing she did. Together, come up with a solution, such as meeting someplace she doesn’t mind waiting (a bookstore rather than a street corner), or meeting at your home instead.

Faux Pas #6: You Didn’t Call Her Back…for Months
Don’t keep putting off calling her—just do it. If you truly have no excuse, “a white lie may be in order,” says Dr. Levine (overtime at work, or a needy family member monopolizing your time). But keep it short and sweet, and then launch right into catching each other up on news. Remember, too, that different friendships have a different “pace,” says Dr. Levine. If this is a friendship that normally allows time to elapse between calls, it may not be as big a deal as you imagine.

Faux Pas #7: You Didn’t Tell Her When Something She Did Hurt You
“If what your friend did was a one-time event that isn’t likely to happen again, weigh the cost versus the benefit of telling her how you felt,” says Dr. Zelley. Her advice: “Only reveal the hurt if the benefit—a deeper level of trust and understanding in the friendship—outweighs the cost,” otherwise you could be creating distance in the friendship. But if what she did was so hurtful you’re not sure you can spend time with her without it bugging you, talk to her. Keep it simple: “I overheard you talking to Gina about my infertility problems, which I’d asked you to keep private.” Give her a chance to apologize, and see if you can regain trust again.

By Denise Schipani

How to Get Cool Stuff You Want For Free

Who doesn’t love getting something for nothing? Plain and simple, free stuff rules! Here, some Foxy favorite freebies — little things that make life so much sweeter.

Tune It On – iTunes/Starbucks Pick Of The Week
Every time we prance in for our grande cinnamon cappuccinos, we score a little jive with our java. Pick up one of the iTunes cards sitting on the counter and download a free song by punching in the code. Good for our ears – and wallets!

Scream For Ice Cream – Baskin-Robbins Birthday Club
The only thing we love more than ice cream is free ice cream. Sign up for the Birthday Club (online or at a store), and they’ll send you a coupon right before your big day. It’s good for a free scoop. You can try playing the B-day “card” at restaurants, too. If it’s your friend’s birthday, ask if the restaurant does complimentary birthday desserts. It’s always sweet to surprise someone with a cake, candle, and song at the table!

Freezer Fun – Fancy Freezer Labels
Opening up your freezer to find a stash that’s been there since the Ice Age is scary. This is why we love Martha Stewart’s free printable freezer labels. They’re pretty and practical. Just jot down the contents and date on the labels, stick them on your food packages, and you’ll never have a glob of funky lookin’ stuff in your freezer again.

Posh Postcards – Personalized Postcards
Martha to the rescue, again. The diva of do-it-yourself provides two printable postcard templates. You simply supply a 4×6 photo for the front of the card and then voila, you’ve got a free, fashionable way to keep in touch with friends and family.

Luscious Locks – Pantene Shampoo & Conditioner
Treat your tresses to free treats courtesy of Procter & Gamble. They’ll send you free samples — all you have to do is sign up.

Creams ‘n’ Things – Kiehl’s
This fancy pantsy bath products purveyor gives three free samples with any online purchase from their website. Fine, it’s not totally free since it comes with a purchase, but it makes us feel like we scored a major deal. And we love that we get to customize our freebies to suit our tastes.

Fantastic Facials – Department Store Facials
High-end cosmetics brands at your local department store often offer free facials or treatments. Naturally they’re promoting their products, but there’s absolutely no obligation to buy anything. If it’s true and makes you more comfortable, tell the facialist that you want to go home and see what it does for your skin before you buy. Check online at sites like Clarins or go to your local counter to ask a salesperson to keep you posted on other free offers.

Stars Who Died Before their Movies Opened

Even though comedian Bernie Mac died at the age of 50 of pneumonia this past August, he still stars in two movies opening this weekend. He not only plays opposite Samuel L. Jackson in the endearingly foul-mouthed tale of two washed-up singers in “Soul Men.” But he also lends his voice to DreamWorks’ animated movie “Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa.” Here’s a look at other film stars who died before the release of their final films.

Heath Ledger – The Dark Knight
Heath Ledger – The Dark Knight Though he died of an accidental drug overdose this past January, a full seven months before “The Dark Knight” opened, Heath Ledger’s performance as The Joker in Christopher Nolan’s grim superhero blockbuster has already garnered Oscar talk. The Australian actor died while shooting Terry Gilliam’s “The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus,” but a trio of other stars — Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell — stepped in to film the character’s remaining scenes.

James Dean – Giant
James Dean – GiantDean was a mere 24 years old when he died in a car wreck in 1955. But in that short time, he starred in three movies and garnered two posthumous Oscar nominations, one for “East of Eden” and the other for “Giant.”

Oliver Reed – Gladiator
Oliver Reed – GladiatorLegendary British actor Oliver Reed died of a heart attack during production of this epic sword and sandal flick. As a result, a number of his scenes had to be re-edited using a double, digital effects, and plenty of shadows.

Bruce Lee – Enter the Dragon
Bruce Lee – Enter the DragonBruce Lee died just three weeks before his breakout movie opened, killed suddenly by a cerebral edema. “Enter the Dragon” proved to be such a hit — one of the most profitable movies of all time — and there was such a demand for its departed star that Hong Kong soon started cranking out films with leads named Bruce Li, Bruce Lei, Brute Lee, and Lee Bruce.

Brandon Lee – The Crow
Brandon Lee – The CrowIn a coincidence so ghoulish people speculated there may have been some sort of “curse” involved, Bruce Lee’s son Brandon was killed in a freak on-set accident during filming of 1994’s “The Crow.” An improperly-cleaned prop gun discharged a blank that pierced Lee’s abdomen and lodged in his spine. After the tragic mishap, production resumed using stunt doubles and digital trickery for the remaining scenes.

Spencer Tracy – Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner
Guess Who’s Coming to DinnerSpencer Tracy starred alongside Katharine Hepburn and Sydney Poiter in the 1967’s landmark “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner,” which broached the then-taboo subject of interracial marriage. Tracy’s health was so bad prior to shooting that insurance companies refused to cover him for the production. He died after the film wrapped and posthumously received his ninth Oscar nomination.

Adrienne Shelly – Waitress
Adrienne Shelly – WaitressWhen “Waitress” premiered at the Sundance Film Festival in 2007, the film was hailed as being a sweet, witty comedy about one of life’s true pleasures: pie. Sadly, writer/director/actress Adrienne Shelly was not there. She was murdered months prior by Diego Pillco, a New York City construction worker. He was sentenced to 25 years in prison earlier this year.

Peter Finch – Network
Peter Finch – NetworkThough he did die two months after “Network” opened, Peter Finch, who brilliantly played crazed newscaster Howard Beale, is the only person to win an acting Oscar posthumously.

Tupac Shakur – Gridlock’d
Tupac Shakur – Gridlock’dRapper Tupac Shakur proved to be almost as posthumously prolific in movies as he was with music. After he was killed in a drive-by shooting in Vegas in 1996, Tupac appeared in both “Gridlock’d” and “Gang Related,” both of which were released the following year.

Clark Gable – The Misfits
Clark Gable – The MisfitsThe day shooting for John Huston’s 1960 movie “The Misfits” wrapped, Clark Gable was reported to have said, “Christ, I’m glad this picture’s finished. [Co-star Marilyn Monroe] damn near gave me a heart attack.” He keeled over from a heart attack the next day and died 11 days later. “The Misfits” also proved to be Monroe’s final film as well.

To hear Samuel L. Jackson, Sharon Leal and director Malcolm D. Lee reminisce about their experience working with Bernie Mac on “Soul Men,” watch the exclusive interview below.

by Jonathan Crow

‘World’s oldest blogger’ dies

An Australian woman described as the world’s oldest Internet blogger has died at the age of 108 after posting a final message about singing “a happy song” in her nursing home.

Olive Riley “passed away peacefully on July 12 and will be mourned by thousands of Internet friends and hundreds of descendants and other relatives,” a note on her website said.

Riley had posted more than 70 entries on her blog from Woy Woy on the east coast since February last year, sharing her thoughts on modern life and her experiences living through the entire 20th century.

Born in the outback town of Broken Hill on October 20 1899, she lived through two world wars and raised three children while doing various jobs, including ranch cook and barmaid.

In her final post on June 26, she wrote: “I can’t believe I’ve been here in this nursing home for more than a week.

“How the days have flown, even though I’ve been in bed most of the time. I still feel weak, and can’t shake off that bad cough.

“Penny, who’s in the next bed to mine, had a visit one day this week from her daughter, who’s a professional singer. Guess what happened! She and I sang a happy song, as I do every day, and before long we were joined by several nurses, who sang along too. It was quite a concert!”

Riley’s blog, initially on www.allaboutolive.com.au and more recently at http://worldsoldestblogger.blogspot.com, was “mind-blowing to her,” her great grandson Darren Stone said.

“She had people communicating with her from as far away as Russia and America on a continual basis, not just once in a while,” he told the national AAP news agency.

“She enjoyed the notoriety — it kept her mind fresh.”

By AFP News

Some surprising tips for better sleep

I used to pull all-nighters back in college, forcing myself to stay awake to cram for an exam or finish a paper on art history, my major. I did it because I thought it would help me get ahead, but in the end it always set me back—I wound up tired, cranky and unproductive the next day.

Even though I’ve grown up (and wisened up) since then, I still have trouble convincing myself to crawl into bed at night: I keep a running tally of all the things I haven’t crossed off my to-do list—reading manuscripts, prepping for a TV appearance, even laundry! And I’m always tempted to stay up just a bit longer to get everything done before morning.

So what stops me from burning the midnight oil? Not only has personal experience proved that I’ll be more stressed (not to mention less chipper) when I’m sleep-deprived, but studies suggest that not getting adequate zzz’s can increase your risk for heart disease and depression, and even cause weight gain (ever found yourself heading to the fridge or the vending machine when you’re tired? I have!).

Try these tips to help relax before you hit the sack:

Unplug
Avoid having long conversations on your cell phone before bed: Researchers at Wayne State University in Detroit found that people who were exposed to the slight radiation that emanates from cell phones took longer to fall asleep and spent less time in the deep stages of slumber.

Make Your Bedroom a Haven
Draw the blinds and turn on a fan or a soothing CD of nature noises to block out distracting sounds. Swapping ordinary bedroom bulbs for yellow ones (GE makes a 25-watt version sold at drugstores) can help you feel more tranquil as you’re getting ready to nod off. Consider treating yourself to a cozy new comforter or putting flowers on your nightstand so that being in your bedroom—and sleeping!—becomes something you look forward to.

Say Thanks
Once you’re under the covers, take two minutes to reflect on the things you’re grateful for. Studies show that practicing grateful thinking makes people more optimistic. And going to sleep with happy thoughts will help you sleep more soundly.

By Lucy Danziger